Love hurts

discoverd over the past few days that love isint all sunshine and flowers and that it has quite a dark side to it my love has quickly turned into a deep pain The girl I like shows little interest in me beyond a friend  and has about 3 other boys with their eyes on her and I know they onley want to get in her pants they dont love her Ive seen where their eyes have strayed. I am leaving school next year to a collage which is miles away so I will never see her again when I leave and I know that I must push her and myself away from each other to lessen the great pain that will inevitably come but I CANT  me and this girl have been close friends for about 5 years. So evrytime I see this girl everytime I hear her voice everytime she walks away I feel as if my very soul is being ripped in two thinking about the love that can never be....

at nans

I am staying at my nans for the weekend so im not doing much considering they dont go out and  live in the middle of nowhere going home tommorow though so Its not all bad. Ive been on my laptop most of the day playing a bit of starcraft typing some more of my book and doing some random surfing on the web during which I read a strange article about a mysterious missle launch off the coast of calafornia apparantly the us milliatry and government are denying all knolage of it even though footage was taken of the launch hmmm gets you thinking doesent it.... I also visited Newgrounds on the web (great website visit it if you havent) and I discoverd that people put flash animations on it I myself have loads of good ideas for flash animations but cant make them since I am a rubbish animator im going to write out a script for one my idea's and see if anyone on newgrounds is interested in making a animation based on it I will say how that went at a later date. took the dogs for a walk after lunch saw this girl in her pajamas just walking down the street she noticed the funny look I gave her and she said "What?" so I asked her "whats with the pajamas?" she simply replyed "just out for a walk" and carried on walking down the street weird.....though I cant say im surprised that teenage girls go for walks in their pajamas on my nans street its a pretty weird place I swear ive heard pagan rituals going on in the forest behind her house what with the fires and drum beats and chanting coming from there. Despite my nan living in the land that time forgot her house is pretty technological my grandpa likes his gadgets so we've got wireless internet and sky even though the signal is crap. in the evening I watched merlin (the new series) and a film about the battle of troy so that was my day quite boring but weird at the same time emotionaly I have mainly been missing the girl from my school today so I am looking forward to seeing her again on monday damn the drum beats are starting again what the hell are they doing in those woods? its the same thing everytime I stay here im thinking of going down there and going to see but I will probly be captured and sacrificed or something so id better not. well im going to sleep now night zzzzzzzzzzz    

Wow im in love

Today I finally realised the strange feelings I have been having for this girl is love at first I thought it was just general attraction but as I have been spending more and more time with her my feelings for her have been getting stronger and stronger. I never understood love I always suffered through these romantic films when it was mums turn to choose the film and looked at the two people kissing on screen with a kind of revulsion at what I was seeing then they would get more into it and you know where it goes from there *ahem* So my only thought of what love is was that it was just sexual attraction but now I realise that isint what love is sure its a factor but love is an emotion in its self and I have felt it for the first time in my life today (well realised it was love today) and it feels great! but then something dawned on me what if she doesent feel the same way? then the doubt and fear set in and my fantastic new emotion took a turn for the worse I wanted to tell her how I felt but was too scared of regection. oh yeah was in school today first thing I went for science tested for ions in substances the whole love realisation thing happend some time after during break. Next lesson was ASDAN which I hated after that I had lunch fish and chips and beans mmmmmmm and after lunch I had science again different place though the lesson went quite well until that idiot decided to wind up a boy who goes beserk at the slightest provocation so chairs went flying across the room natually I stepped in front of the girl I liked to protect her me being 6ft 3 and a half makes me quite the sheild too (finnaly a use for my tallness)
 Well thats my day an interesting one thats left me alot to think about.....well im tired now I quess I will try and figure things out in bed they say you think most at that time so I hope I find answers, night zzzzzzzzzzzz

Today and yesterday

Diddent write in my blog yesterday because....I couldent be asked is the truth any way will make up for it today yesterday was spectaculary boring I was in school of course was the day of the assembly practised that first thing sat there sour faced like normal and switched off untill it was over (magical skill that switching off honestly you can just completely go blank try it it works wonders when your bored) had to switch back on when it was my turn to read my bit read it with as much enthusiasim as a 120 year old man having sex who's been castrated
and thats an understatement. after that I did some ASDAN A crap course that teaches you how to live. some of the stuff on it is so patronising for example Make some toast and bring a photo of you making it and then write about it I just printed a picture of toast off the internet quickly and litteraly wrote 1. get bread 2. plug in switch on toaster 3. put bread in toaster 4. Wait 5. Remove toast and eat I got fulls marks for it aswell its that easy! I cant belive im being made to do this its like the people who thought up this course were basicly thinking "Right because he's autistic he has no clue and we have to teach him from scratch how to live because  if we dont he will probably end up just lying there and slowly starve to death" I swear People think just because your autistic you dont have a thought in your head . next up was the assembly I had to click a button to move the slides on the powerpoint aswell as reading wow! (<--Sarcasm) when it came to my turn to read I read it out with my legendary uninthusiasim to the whole school the teacher looked embarrased but hey you put together a random assembly the day before we have to do it you cant expect much. Ok today  went up to the other school to do my science was 20 minutes late because a student was playing up in my class so transport was mucked up got there and apparently my lesson started an hour early so I had missed it couldent get back to my school because no transport till an hour away so I ended up getting swept up into some random class sat there wondering what the hell had just happend got bored just sat there not knowing what I was doing so I did some people watching (its quite interesting to see what peple talk about and how they dress and stuff try it but dont stare at people you wont make any friends doing that just sort of casually look around) It was very interesting I found out that 9 out of 10 of the girls in class sound exactly the same talking like this " oh like you know like" and the classic "Oh my god like!" I also deduced that the average high school class room is a hive like society You get one girl who is the queen has all the boys under her little finger because she clicked on to the fact she can use her body to get what she wants you get the soldiers the so called cool boys  who go around bullying the weakest and keeping the rest of the workers (everyone else) in line me I like to think of my self as the one bee who decided screw the hive im my own bee. Going forward I had work experience which was in blockbusters was all right nice cahnge from school any way, bought myself a bottle of coke on the way back and then went for lunch. Not much else happend thhis day so im going to sleep as I have just looked at the clock Night! ZZZZZZZZZZZ

Boring day:(

Went to school today did maths first thing that wasent too bad because im good at that but it wasent exactly interesting either well after that was done I returned to my class for break and then quickly exited to go and practise the piano in the music room before that stupid idiot in class started winding people up again and kicking off a load of noise. after that I went out for break it was bloody freezing colder than a penquins feet it was! after that I had to practise for the class assembly so I quickly dissapeared (Thats another thing I have gotten down to a fine art) nobody noticed I was gone untill about half way through the practise Ha! I did reappear before they went looking though I dont want them to worry anyway it turnes out the assembly is about prince charles's birthday and the assembly is tommorow and this is our first practise talk about cutting it fine eh?I read my bit out with as much enthusiasm I had to spare which was none but people are used to my seemingly deppressed voice anyway so no one said anything (I wouldent have read it any different even if they had) next I had D.T where I was designing a bathroom with a set budget that was easy just fill a room with all the cheapest essentials. after that I had science which was boring because I was finishing off sheets got most of them done though so I got something acheived today I quess, looked at the time table for tommorow looks boring ASDAN, cooking and crap oh and the assembly I wont be in school much longer though next summer I might be going to collage! awesome I can finally take my skills to their next level exept english still not getting the bigger picture with that yet.   

8/11/2010

Went to school today I was determined to be in a better mood and not to be deppressed like I have been for the past few weeks I actually did manage to keep my mood at a neutral level this mostly involved not thinking about a certain girl in my class (thats a complicated matter which I wont go into here) and thinking of comedy sketches  I made up in my mind one of which featured a crime fighting brick. anyway moving on I had a boring english lesson in which I did G.C.S.E english which I am crap at And I dont mean Oh no I got some wrong Im rubbish at this crap I mean 2 marks at best crap Its almost as if the course was designed to screw with my head for example it gives me an extract from the boy in the striped pajams (some book about a natzi boy who befriends a jewish kid) and askes me to detail every bloody detail about this kids mind and feelings I'd swear I was training to be a psysiatrist instead of doing english. You see I am very literal minded and when someone askes me "The text describes a ball of anger exploding inside the boys chest describe how he feels" my response would be  "he's angry" the teacher then askes me to expand on my answer and I just think he's angry what else is there to say about it? then I think to my self why the hell am I learning the machinations of some natzi kids mind and I zone out (which I am a master of) untill the lesson is over. Moving on next I had my piano lesson in which I am learning the ending theme to resident evil genisis :) and after that I joined my class for music in the hall I was sat next to the Girl I had been keeping my mind off all day and to make things worse we had to practise DAMN CHRISTMAS SONGS! I hate christmas songs let me get that clear now I mean Why are we singing about the birth of some guy who lived hundreds of years ago and pissed off a few romans by speaking out against them and thinking he was the son of god? It makes no sense to me Theres plenty of nutters who belive they are the son of god out there what do they have to do to be sung about Punch Barack obama in the face and then run against him in the next election? Any way I sat there sour faced and diddent sing a word even through the music teacher trying allsorts of teaching tactics to try and get me to much to her dissapointment after that torture was over I went for break outside came back in had had lunch and then went to cooking and made a loaf of bread at first I was bored but I made the most awesome loaf of bread EVER! It was like the god of all breads Highlight of my day that. After cooking I did OCR Science level 2 which I am great at well that just about wrappes my day up I could tell you more about science or what happend after school but Im tired now Mr Grey out zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.